After Lex's little intro post, I’ll start at the beginning, though I’ll probably split this into two posts as opposed to one –heouge- one.
Like Lex said; thanks to the joys of work, we’ve not been able to see each other as often as we’d like. But still, it was nice reading the fact he said he was in a playful mood, since, I kinda like to be played –with- sometimes *whistles nonchalantly*
After finally deciding to watch a DVD, and then had the usual decision-making banter of “I’m –not- watching that” “Why not? It’s awesome!” “No.” etc, we settled down to watch The Fellowship of the Ring (my choice in case you were wondering ;)
Part way through, (as Lex is giving me his running commentary of facts from the movie) I think it may have been just after Mr Took alerts everyone to the fact they’re in the mines…
Anyway, I was watching when suddenly, one of my best friends was running around the screen in nothing but a bikini, brandishing her bow like it was the most normal thing in the world! I remember doing a double-take at that point, thinking I was going insane, but nope, she was really there. I shot a look across at Lex, knowing he’d be responsible for it as usual.
“What’s she doing on screen!?”
“What?” he said, trying his best to muster a look of innocence.
“In a bikini?!”
“But, you like her, don’t you?”
“My best friend’s running around in a bikini! Change her back!”
“Alright. There. She’s wearing clothes now.”
I looked back to the screen, and sure enough, she was now dressed in cream Elven robes, a tight-fitting brown corset around her waist, and a quiver of arrows on her back. I took a moment to adjust, thinking that she actually looked really good in that, when I saw myself run across the screen. Ok, I was at least dressed. I was a warrior-woman, wearing dark leathers and a cape on my back – and after working out the missing person (though I already had my suspicions), I was Aragorn. I looked on in slight awe as I fought with the hordes of beasties, slicing through them with such skill. I was completely awesome, if I do say so myself ;)
As Gandalf fought the Balroc, he became one of Lex’s mates, with his little black beard, staff and robes. One of the things that struck me as rather funny was the fact I could easily picture him doing the whole ‘You shall not pass!’ scene without much trouble. He’d probably get away with it, crazy fool he is.
It was a little later on (when the gang meet Galadriel) that Boromir became my little sister. This change was –very- amusing, as at first, she was hiding away from Galadriel’s gaze, and I remarked that in real life, she would be making snippy, bitchy comments and generally being an all-round pain in the arse at every possible opportunity.
Anyone who says it runs in the family will feel my blade!
I said that she’d never use the kind of archaic, eloquent speech her character does, so Lex gave me the suggestion that Boromir would now speak like she does. Well, that sent me into fits of giggles. You see, my sister is the kind of girl that acts up to compensate for any feelings of insecurity she may have. She’ll be overly bitchy, annoying and bratty when she feels threatened, or she’s with her friends, but, saying that, she’s generally a demanding diva without. She says things like “I could bone this song” where normal people would say they love it, and “I borrowed your shirt yesterday”. That kind of thing.
She passed under the two giant River Guardian statues and casually remarked “I’ve seen bigger.” But the two changes I remember best were two pieces of conversation held between Boromir and Aragorn, and then Boromir and Frodo. So, with the first, Boromir to Aragorn are on screen together (so me and my sis were sitting side by side, speaking placidly to each other – never happens, ever!) I’ll give you all a run-down of the translation as I heard it, as well as I can remember. I apologise –now- for the language.
Boromir: I shall find no rest here. I heard a voice inside my head. She spoke of my father and the fall of Gondor. She said to me, even now, there is hope left, but I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope. My father is a noble man, but Izual is failing, and the people lose faith. My father looks to me to set it right, and I would do it, I would see the glory of Gondor restored. Have you seen it, Aragorn? The white
Her: ain’t gonna sleep. That witch keeps chattin’ on to me, saying that it’ll be alright, but she’s talking bollocks. Nothing’s been alright for years. Dad’s cool, but Izual’s fadin’, and everyone thinks he’s a tit. He looks at me to sort everything out, and I’m like ‘Err…No!’… I mean, I would- It’d be cool to see Gondor all shiny again… Have you seen it looking nice, Liz? Gold and silver bling everywhere, I could, quite honestly, bone it… And when they make a whole fanfare for you when you come home?
And the other, which was when Boromir tries to take the ring from Frodo. Now, I've had enough exchanges with my sis where she's taken my things without asking, or demanded that I hand over my new jeans I've just bought - as she's going out to Tesco (Wall-Mart for our American friends) or something. Yes, she's -that- kind of girl.
Boromir: None of us should wander alone, you least of all. So much depends on you. Frodo? I know why you seek solitude. You suffer, I see it day by day. Be sure you do not suffer needlessly. There are other ways, Frodo, other paths we might take. Her: Frodo? Frodo? Shit, what have I done? I didn't mean it...I'm err...Sorry.
Her: On your bill, are you? You shouldn’t be, since so much depends on –you-. I’ve seen you, looking miserable, when there’s no need.
Boromir: Warning? Against what? They are all afraid, but to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have... Don`t you see? It`s madness.
Her: What warning? Listen, you’re chattin’ shit, mate.
Boromir: Why do you recoil? I am no thief.
Her: Err! D’you think I’m gonna rob it or something? I ain’t a thief!
Boromir: I ask only for the strength to defend my people! If you would but lend me the ring.
Her: All I want is to borrow it, just lend it me for a bit.
Boromir: What chance do you think you have? They will find you, they will take the ring, and you will beg for death before the end! It is not yours save by a happenstance. It could have been mine. It should have been mine! Give it to me!
Her: Oh yeah? What else can we do, Frodo? They’re coming, and they’ll take it, and they’ll torture you to death. You’ll –want- them to kill you before they’re finished with you! You weren’t even supposed to have it! You just fell across it! What makes you the fucking King all of a sudden? It should have been mine! Gimme it!
Boromir: I see your mind! You would take the ring to Sauron! You will betray us! You go to your death, and the death of us all! Curse you! Curse all you halflings!
Her: I know what you’ll do! You’ll take it to Sauron! You’ll rat us all out! You’ll kill us all, you little shit! Come back here!
Boromir: Frodo? Frodo? What have I done? Frodo, I`m sorry!
Her: Frodo? Frodo? Shit, what have I done? I didn't mean it...I'm err...Sorry.
Isn’t she a dear?
Yes, it was a –very- fun suggestion - Certainly a way to liven up our movie nights in future!