Wednesday, 23 April 2008

LOTR Swap-Around

After Lex's little intro post, I’ll start at the beginning, though I’ll probably split this into two posts as opposed to one –heouge- one.

Like Lex said; thanks to the joys of work, we’ve not been able to see each other as often as we’d like. But still, it was nice reading the fact he said he was in a playful mood, since, I kinda like to be played –with- sometimes *whistles nonchalantly*

The Suggestion

After finally deciding to watch a DVD, and then had the usual decision-making banter of “I’m –not- watching that” “Why not? It’s awesome!” “No.” etc, we settled down to watch The Fellowship of the Ring (my choice in case you were wondering ;)

Part way through, (as Lex is giving me his running commentary of facts from the movie) I think it may have been just after Mr Took alerts everyone to the fact they’re in the mines…

Anyway, I was watching when suddenly, one of my best friends was running around the screen in nothing but a bikini, brandishing her bow like it was the most normal thing in the world! I remember doing a double-take at that point, thinking I was going insane, but nope, she was really there. I shot a look across at Lex, knowing he’d be responsible for it as usual.

“What’s she doing on screen!?”
“What?” he said, trying his best to muster a look of innocence.
“In a bikini?!”
“But, you like her, don’t you?”
“My best friend’s running around in a bikini! Change her back!”
“Alright. There. She’s wearing clothes now.”

I looked back to the screen, and sure enough, she was now dressed in cream Elven robes, a tight-fitting brown corset around her waist, and a quiver of arrows on her back. I took a moment to adjust, thinking that she actually looked really good in that, when I saw myself run across the screen. Ok, I was at least dressed. I was a warrior-woman, wearing dark leathers and a cape on my back – and after working out the missing person (though I already had my suspicions), I was Aragorn. I looked on in slight awe as I fought with the hordes of beasties, slicing through them with such skill. I was completely awesome, if I do say so myself ;)

As Gandalf fought the Balroc, he became one of Lex’s mates, with his little black beard, staff and robes. One of the things that struck me as rather funny was the fact I could easily picture him doing the whole ‘You shall not pass!’ scene without much trouble. He’d probably get away with it, crazy fool he is.

It was a little later on (when the gang meet Galadriel) that Boromir became my little sister. This change was –very- amusing, as at first, she was hiding away from Galadriel’s gaze, and I remarked that in real life, she would be making snippy, bitchy comments and generally being an all-round pain in the arse at every possible opportunity.

Anyone who says it runs in the family will feel my blade!

I said that she’d never use the kind of archaic, eloquent speech her character does, so Lex gave me the suggestion that Boromir would now speak like she does. Well, that sent me into fits of giggles. You see, my sister is the kind of girl that acts up to compensate for any feelings of insecurity she may have. She’ll be overly bitchy, annoying and bratty when she feels threatened, or she’s with her friends, but, saying that, she’s generally a demanding diva without. She says things like “I could bone this song” where normal people would say they love it, and “I borrowed your shirt yesterday”. That kind of thing.

She passed under the two giant River Guardian statues and casually remarked “I’ve seen bigger.” But the two changes I remember best were two pieces of conversation held between Boromir and Aragorn, and then Boromir and Frodo. So, with the first, Boromir to Aragorn are on screen together (so me and my sis were sitting side by side, speaking placidly to each other – never happens, ever!) I’ll give you all a run-down of the translation as I heard it, as well as I can remember. I apologise –now- for the language.

Boromir: I shall find no rest here. I heard a voice inside my head. She spoke of my father and the fall of Gondor. She said to me, even now, there is hope left, but I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope. My father is a noble man, but Izual is failing, and the people lose faith. My father looks to me to set it right, and I would do it, I would see the glory of Gondor restored. Have you seen it, Aragorn? The white tower of Ecthelion glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver, its banners caught high in the morning breeze. Have you ever been called home by the clear ringing of silver trumpets?

Her: ain’t gonna sleep. That witch keeps chattin’ on to me, saying that it’ll be alright, but she’s talking bollocks. Nothing’s been alright for years. Dad’s cool, but Izual’s fadin’, and everyone thinks he’s a tit. He looks at me to sort everything out, and I’m like ‘Err…No!’… I mean, I would- It’d be cool to see Gondor all shiny again… Have you seen it looking nice, Liz? Gold and silver bling everywhere, I could, quite honestly, bone it… And when they make a whole fanfare for you when you come home?

And the other, which was when Boromir tries to take the ring from Frodo. Now, I've had enough exchanges with my sis where she's taken my things without asking, or demanded that I hand over my new jeans I've just bought - as she's going out to Tesco (Wall-Mart for our American friends) or something. Yes, she's -that- kind of girl.

Boromir: None of us should wander alone, you least of all. So much depends on you. Frodo? I know why you seek solitude. You suffer, I see it day by day. Be sure you do not suffer needlessly. There are other ways, Frodo, other paths we might take.
Her: On your bill, are you? You shouldn’t be, since so much depends on –you-. I’ve seen you, looking miserable, when there’s no need.

Boromir: Warning? Against what? They are all afraid, but to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have... Don`t you see? It`s madness.
Her: What warning? Listen, you’re chattin’ shit, mate.

Boromir: Why do you recoil? I am no thief.
Her: Err! D’you think I’m gonna rob it or something? I ain’t a thief!
Boromir: I ask only for the strength to defend my people! If you would but lend me the ring.
Her: All I want is to borrow it, just lend it me for a bit.
Boromir: What chance do you think you have? They will find you, they will take the ring, and you will beg for death before the end! It is not yours save by a happenstance. It could have been mine. It should have been mine! Give it to me!
Her: Oh yeah? What else can we do, Frodo? They’re coming, and they’ll take it, and they’ll torture you to death. You’ll –want- them to kill you before they’re finished with you! You weren’t even supposed to have it! You just fell across it! What makes you the fucking King all of a sudden? It should have been mine! Gimme it!
Boromir: I see your mind! You would take the ring to Sauron! You will betray us! You go to your death, and the death of us all! Curse you! Curse all you halflings!

Her: I know what you’ll do! You’ll take it to Sauron! You’ll rat us all out! You’ll kill us all, you little shit! Come back here!
Boromir: Frodo? Frodo? What have I done? Frodo, I`m sorry!
Her: Frodo? Frodo? Shit, what have I done? I didn't mean it...I'm err...Sorry.

Isn’t she a dear?

Yes, it was a –very- fun suggestion - Certainly a way to liven up our movie nights in future!

9 comments:

Brian Maiden said...

This is a truely awesome and imaginative suggestion! :o)

I have done something vaguley similar in the past... after watching a Bill Bailey DVD, where he does a bit about how in star wars, the guy inside the darth vader suit is not the person who does the voice, and that the he actually comes from the west country. (if you haven't seen the bill bailey show i am talking about, buy his box set, well worth the money ;o) )

That gave me the idea that we should watch star wars, and she would hear darth vader speak with a broad west country accent :D ... it then expanded to include other accents for other characters...

The emporer was a dutch pornstar
C3P0 was a nigerian traffic wardon.
Han Solo was Scouse
Chewbacca was a Cat (lol)
I forget the others, but there was a few more...

I only wish i could have watched it that way myself as she was crying with laughter!

But changing the actors to people you know... that is just genius!

polo said...

you know guys, you just have replaced dope completely! :)

Melted Dreams said...

Omg, Brian, that is an awesome idea!!

Anything inspired by bill bailey is going to be obscure, lol... Maybe try the whole "frodo being scouse" thing next, lol...

Melted Dreams said...

I correct myself, I meant gimley, lol...

K.S. said...

oh LAWLD. You guys stumbled upon the best idea to come since recreational substances (like what polo said).

Best of all, its SAFE :D and completely batsh_t insanefun XD

sarah said...

I have an unrelated question for briony / lex. how exactly did briony come ito being as an alternate personality. or how was she exposed by lex through hypnosis.? its really driving me nuts.

William said...

This is awesome. I'm going to have to try that with my fiancee...

Lex said...

In response to Sarah's question about Briony:

Liz is pretty submissive, she's also very bratty, and those elements of her personality can sometimes be at odds with one another.

Liz can look at a slave girl dressed in a French maid outfit, meekly serving drinks at a party, respectfully addressing all the guests as "Sir" or "Ma'am" and think: "Mmmm, she looks good, wish that was me", "Why the hell's she lowering herself to serve all those fuddy duddies" and "Being made to act like that would be *hot*" all at the same time.

Whereas Liz would be attracted to the thought of being so submissive and controlled, she'd still brat about girls that would choose servitude over independance. Briony would do the opposite. She'd brattily choose to be as submissive and as eager to please as possible. Partly because she just loves to behave that way, partly because she knows it'd drive Liz crazy.

Liz likes having an excuse to brat about stuff, she also likes obeying unthinkingly at times, and having Briony around allows her to do both.

Briony's not a completely new personality that's been cooked up from scratch, she's still very much like Liz, but with her priorities changed around a little. She's a version of Liz with all her brattiness directed towards winding independent strong-willed girls up, instead of where it's normally directed (at me - in order to make sure I work to reign her in.)

As she contains so many aspects of Liz (albeit given slight twists) she easily and quickly developed into fairly strong (if shallow) character.

I would describe her as a sub roleplay for Liz, though most of the time Liz doesn't get to remember what she got up to whilst Briony was out. (Which is why I'll often bring Liz back out whilst Briony's in the middle of a task. ie: Liz is sulking, I'll bring Briony out and get a big hug, then bring Liz back out to find herself wrapped bodily around me hugging me like kerayzee)

Hope that's given you some more insight!

HS said...

I've done something similar with someone I give suggestions to. He had a girlie night in the other night with his girlfriend. She didn't know that he had such a feminine side.

His name, (changed to protect the guilty) is Nick, and his female persona side is Nicola. 'She' doesn't like being called Nic.

I also use something similar to the ***Private*** tags (inspired by you Lex), so that when I'm IMing suggestions to him and his girlfriend, I can hide the suggestions from them, and they get accepted readily by the subconscious.

It works out really, really well.